"Once upon a time there was a poor woman who had seven children. She wandered through the countryside with them, looking for food. "One day, she found a hard-boiled egg, and asked herself: "how should I divide one egg among everyone?" "So, what did she do? She ate the entire egg herself, so that she will have the strength to keep searching for food for all her children." What went through your mind when you read this story? Was the woman selfish? Should she, as a mother, have given to her children, and only then taken for herself? I bring you this story for a reason: it shows us that in order to take care of others, we need to first of all take care of ourselves. If you remember the flight safety videos they show you before an airplane takes off, they say the same thing: first put on your own oxygen mask, and only then tend to your children. Why? Because we need to take care of ourselves if we want to be able to help others. If we pass out from lack of oxygen, how will that help our kids? This isn't true only for emergencies - it goes for everyday life as well. Taking time to ourselves isn't a luxury. It's a necessity. It's like fuel for a car, like charging a battery. If we don't charge our batteries, we won't have the energy to carry on. We won't have the will to keep giving. In a world with so many to-do's, our own needs are often brushed aside, or put at the end of the list. This is especially true for women and parents. When our own needs aren't fulfilled, we get stressed. We resent the situation we find ourselves in, and feel like victims. If you are one of those who put their needs last, you must make time for yourself, for charging your batteries. Dance classes, get-togethers with friends, a game of basketball with the guys or a hike in the mountains - anything that will take you away from your every-day worries and give you some breathing space, just plain fun. When our own needs are filled, we give to others willingly and happily. If you're waiting for someone else to come up with such an idea, or with the time or money it takes, you can keep on waiting. And you'll probably wait for a very long time. Some of us come from a culture where some people deserve to get all they want, and others don't. Other people learned from their parents who deserves what. No matter where it comes from, this feeling that you don't deserve to get what you want is now inside you. It's yours. And only you can change it. It's just one of those things we need to do for ourselves. Learn to tell yourself: "I deserve. I'm also in line for getting what I want. I'll keep on doing things for you, but I deserve to get what I want too." 2006 Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi |
