Recently I was coaching a smart and successful young woman who made the comment, "I'd like to have a relationship with a man who I didn't have to pay to love me." Upon further conversation she revealed that she always seemed to find men who needed her for something more than a healthy relationship. Her most recent boyfriend, Tom, she had paid to put new tile in her bathroom, not because that's what he did for a living, but because he was unemployed and needed work. She also bought him a new truck and lent him money on a regular basis.

You might wonder, why would a smart, successful young woman do that? And even she admitted that when she said it out loud, it sounded so foolish and stupid, she couldn't believe it herself! Yet it had not been the first time that she had been in a relationship where she gave too much.

Katherine Woodward Thomas in her book Calling In The One said this,When we don't honor ourselves, we attract in people who don't honor us either.

Honoring yourself means recognizing that you have needs and you have a right to have them satisfied first. Everyone knows that when you are on an airplane and they are explaining the emergency procedures, they always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, before trying to assist another person. Why is that? Well, obviously, because if your need for oxygen is not met, you are not going to be around long to be able to assist another! Seems simple enough, yet when it comes to fulfilling another's needs, there are some who make the mistake of giving themselves away to satisfy the needs of another.

It's like they have an exaggerated awareness of the needs of others and feel compelled, almost driven, to satisfy them. If you find yourself frequently feeling like you are giving too much, look at your behavior and ask yourself a few questions. When do you tend to give up what you need or want in favor of what someone else needs or wants? How often does this happen?

Many people confuse intimacy with the collapse of health boundaries. They mistakenly think that love means that they keep nothing to themselves, have no needs or wants that are not shared and that satisfying the other person will get them what they want in the end.

This kind of relationship only leads to disaster when you realize that you are depleted and have lost yourself and your identity. For a healthy relationship to thrive, you must be willing to set boundaries and satisfy your own needs first. But before you can do that you must know who you are and what your needs and wants are, and that they have validity.

That's exactly what you will get from my Soulmate Success Training program. I will spend a few sessions helping you identify very succinctly, who you are, what are your values and you life purpose and how that purpose will be lived through your mission and vision. Then we will look at aspects of relationships and what you need to be your best self and feel loved. the last segment is developing your action plan and what you will actually do to find this person and form a lasting, fulfilling, loving relationship.