Computers React to Human Stress Off UPP Press wire service 09:22 04/01/2007:ak/4.7 Berkeley University Department of Computer Studies Dr. M.I. Rail, Senior Weapons Officer, USAF, Longbeach Air Force Base, California, has been awarded the USAF Military Award of Merit. The award is base on his discovery of a computers sensitivity to human stress. His interest in stress started thirteen years ago when he was first studying Computer Science at Berkeley where he obtained his doctorate in Computer Science. My computer behaved strangely. Files would disappear. The computer would mysteriously lock up. All manner of difficulties plagued me. At times is almost drove me to tears, commented Dr. Rail. As he grew familiar with the machine, repeating his previously executed command would cause no problems. In his development of computer based weapon systems he noticed that in testing, the computers and programs worked fine but not in actual use. Reluctantly I cam to the conclusion that computers are sensitive to human stress, remarked Dr. Rail, For example the F-18 Fireball weapon controllers CPU is under the pilots seat. The most stressful part of peacetime flying is landing on a carrier. While landing, the computer would malfunction causing the system to arm itself. An F-18 going Battle Ready automatically sends a signal to SITCOM putting the entire fleet on a Class Red, Battle Ready status. To put it mildly, the complaints were not pleasant. Dr Rail discovered that the emotional stress of battle or the encountered by a new computer user effects nearby computers performance, as their CPUs would behave radically. While much of the information is classified, Dr. Rail did say a persons electromagnetic field when excited by stress also affects certain manufacturers BIOS chips. Two years ago the CIA had admitted to a Congressional hearing of doctoring certain computers illegally shipped to the USSR. Asked whether he was involved in this subterfuge Dr. Rail declined comment and immediately cancelled the press conference. Dr. Rails award is for his detection of the stress reaction and his various countermeasures. His solutions minimize the problems caused both by new computer users and the stress caused by emergency conditions such as enemy engagement. In presenting the award Major Stun, Director of Weapons Development, USAF, Washington, D.C., suggested that computer science would advance faster due to the new understanding of the problem. The novice would not have as many frustrations learning computers. More would stick with it and not abandon their computer training in frustration. His various solutions included computer operators wearing shielded gloves and yellow tinted glasses or having the CPU at least seventeen feet from the operator. Unfortunately there is no practical solution for reading April 1 dispatches. Rail backwards: Liar, Stun: Nuts. JamesRoe2006 |
