I was preparing for a couple of presentations last week for the Women On the Way (W.O.W.) program at our local St. Petersburg College (my A.A. /A.S. degree alma mater).

I am always honored to go back to my old stomping grounds to do presentations, but even more so for this group, as most of the people connected with the WOW program are coming back to school after some major life transition.

This program is designed to be a support for their success. They are my heroes, as they all use this support network to help each other be successful. I do believe the world could learn something from WOW.

The workshop that I was presenting was entitled The Secrets Of Relationship Success: Know Your Roots and Bear Good Fruit. I like to use acronyms when I present, as they are easy for me to remember, and they seem to have a lasting impression on the audience. There were two that came up that have been very helpful: V.I.P. and S.A.D.

The standard V.I.P. is traditionally translated to Very Important Person (which you are, by the way!!), but for the purpose of this workshop it stood for Values, Integrity and Purpose. I believe these three elements build the foundational triad which enables us to have fulfilling and lasting relationships. Let me elaborate...

• Values - This is what you determine to be most important in your life. When you know your values, it is easier to make decisions because you know what fits and what does not. Therefore, decisions about what to do, who to share your life with, and when to exit due to a values clash, all become much clearer.
  
  

  Homework: Spend some time this week and write down your ten highest values. Check in with your values list regularly.

• Integrity Integrity is the path that you walk according to your values. When your actions (your outer self) match your values (your inner self) you are walking a path of integrity. Integrity comes from the word that means wholeness, therefore, you live a more whole, or complete life when you stay in your integrity. This path will leave feeling good about yourself as you will not disrespect your own values as long as you stay on the path.
  
  

  Homework: Write two lists of behavioral indicators; one that will remind you of when you are in integrity, and the other that will remind you know of when you are beginning to leave your integrity. Review the list daily and commit yourself to the path of integrity.

• Purpose Your purpose is your own personal True North. It becomes the compass of your Life Journey that pulls you forward to your Highest Good. When you know your life purpose, and you live on purpose, you are fulfilled and have an inner knowing that you are going in the direction that you will serve you and humankind the best.
  
  

  Homework: Spend some time with the following: The purpose of my life is ___________. Keep working it until it is a perfect 10 for you. Then, make it a daily mantra that you live by.

And then there is the flipside of V.I.P., which is S.A.D...

• Selfless People who do not know their values or their purpose have difficulty being true to themselves, much less walking their own Life Path. By default, they often succumb to what others value and often find themselves being pulled from one direction to another. They are controlled much of the time by outer influences instead of their inner self.

• Assuming Because these people have a poor sense of their self, they live by making many assumptions. They often assume that if someone shows them attention or affection, it must be a good thing since it feels good, and they can easily get into a relationship or situation that is unhealthy. They have a poor filtering, or screening system since they do not know who they really are.

• Dependant - These people are prone to become very dependant. They allow others to make their choices for them. They take on others values. They become fearful of others leaving them due to their dependency, so they often give up more and more of their self the longer they stay involved.

If you live the V.I.P. life, you will leave no space to be S.A.D. So...Are you living a V.I.P. or a S.A.D. life?

My vote and encouragement is to put all your energy into being the V.I.P. that you were truly meant to be. After all, you are a Very Important Person...WOW!!

Ken Donaldson

Ken Donaldson, the REALationship Coach, has been based in Tampa Bay, Florida offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. He is a licensed mental health counselor; board certified as an addictions professional and clinical hypnotherapist; and certified as a master relationship coach. Ken is a graduate of the University of South Florida, the Institute for Life Coach Training and the Relationship Coaching Institute. He has been exclusively in private practice since 1993.

Ken is the author of the new breakthrough life and relationship success book Marry YourSelf First! Saying “I Do” to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose. The material in this book is a result of Donaldson’s 15+ years of clinical counseling and coaching with thousands of individuals and couples. In this book, he reveals what he has discovered as the 20 core Principles of Passion, Power and Purpose. When these principles are applied to your life you can overcome self-limiting patterns and create abundant happiness, fulfillment and success in your life and relationships.

Donaldson’s primary message from this book is to “Master Your Life and Your Relationships!” Purchasers of this book are eligible for free coaching and educational programs to support and promote optimal growth and success.

Ken founded the REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first.

Included are the monthly Saturday Series workshops and the REAL Talk Forums. These programs are for couples and individuals alike, and help the participants live the most passionate and balanced lives possible.

He also facilitates the Marry YourSelf First program that assists singles to have more successful relationships and more satisfying lives. The graduates of this program leave with a clear vision of who they are, what they want, and how to get it.

In addition, he offers the Partners for Life programs for both pre-committed and committed couples that provide the tools and resources to help couples create relationships that are both lasting and fulfilling. Couples report that they have deeper intimacy and more fun as a result of utilizing the tools from these programs.

Ken also offers education and training programs for businesses and community organizations on a variety of personal growth and business improvement topics.